you know that place between peace and confusion? i'm kind of there. i've been praying a lot about going to youth haven this summer, and, i don't know, i'm kind of feeling like, once again, there is nothing holding me back (besides school, which could be done while there). i'm excited about it. and i've felt such a call to simply SERVE. and that place has my heart. so whether or not i work there for the whole summer, i want to be involved.
but then yesterday someone asked me, "well, do you need to start saving some money? would it be more realistic for you to get a job that pays better?" and my immediate reaction was, i don't care!!! but i didn't say that to the person. i just feel such an ease about NOT getting a "real" job and not making a ton of money. yes, i would be much more comfortable and i wouldn't feel guilty buying coffee and lunch when i'm out at school. but... i don't know... i guess in my heart of hearts, i know that God is not looking for me to be comfortable. if anything, He is looking for me to be stretched... for me to stretch my muscles to their furthest extent, like i talked about in my last post. and he'll take care of the rest.
it's funny, because growing up, and really up until the last few years, i have always been the realistic, money saving, future planning person. and now i just want to go and live off of what i make! it's weird thinking that way, but at the same time, i know that it is possible with God. and maybe someday i will have money stashed in the bank, but for now, i want to take advantage of not being tied down by anything. i'm not tied down by a job. i'm not tied down by my own place. this might be the last year that i can say that, and that i can feel good about not having a job and not having my own place, because i can think and serve. sometimes i feel guilty being "lazy" in those regards, but i'll take it as a blessing for now. oh! and then i'll somehow find a fabulous job down the road and i'll be able to put my money into something good! yup. that's what i'll do. see... there i go planning again.
2.25.2009
too much to say!
so i think that all of the ideas that are in my head are about to burst out if i don't start recording them. i seriously have so many little things to say that i am confident that this post will be one of many. i've been overwhelmed with school, and then i get overwhelmed with the thought that, once again, i waste so much time resting from school that i don't spend time resting in God.
at lighthouse this week, the speaker talked about peter and his amazing trust in God. after peter was arrested, acts 12 tells us that he prayed earnestly. thanks to cliff's studying, this word comes from the greek word "ektonas" (not sure of the spelling...) which means "to stretch a muscle to its very limits." peter prayed to his VERY LIMITS. as if every muscle in his body was tense and stretched as far as it could go. amazing. peter believed God instead of in his present circumstances. he trusted God so much that he was able to SLEEP the night before his trial! because he trusted in God. he trusted in His deliverance. i want to be like that. i want to trust so much in God's deliverance and plan for my life that i can rest and sleep and live in peace, knowing that whatever i do, whenever i do it, despite what others tell me, God is in control and HE is on the throne. i want to pray like peter did. i want to pray so EARNESTLY that my body is sore. i want to seek God that much. yet i often let life get in the way. when i think about it though... does anything else really matter?
serve. love. pray. to your very muscular limits.
cliff mentioned something else that was great too... we can be the answer to our own prayer when we SERVE to the LIMIT.
God has been causing me to see and hear many things about serving to my limits. and serving not for myself or for money, but for God. to be a daughter in which He is well pleased is what i long to be. more on that later.... (when i'm not supposed to be doing homework at school, and when i have my devo. book :)
at lighthouse this week, the speaker talked about peter and his amazing trust in God. after peter was arrested, acts 12 tells us that he prayed earnestly. thanks to cliff's studying, this word comes from the greek word "ektonas" (not sure of the spelling...) which means "to stretch a muscle to its very limits." peter prayed to his VERY LIMITS. as if every muscle in his body was tense and stretched as far as it could go. amazing. peter believed God instead of in his present circumstances. he trusted God so much that he was able to SLEEP the night before his trial! because he trusted in God. he trusted in His deliverance. i want to be like that. i want to trust so much in God's deliverance and plan for my life that i can rest and sleep and live in peace, knowing that whatever i do, whenever i do it, despite what others tell me, God is in control and HE is on the throne. i want to pray like peter did. i want to pray so EARNESTLY that my body is sore. i want to seek God that much. yet i often let life get in the way. when i think about it though... does anything else really matter?
serve. love. pray. to your very muscular limits.
cliff mentioned something else that was great too... we can be the answer to our own prayer when we SERVE to the LIMIT.
God has been causing me to see and hear many things about serving to my limits. and serving not for myself or for money, but for God. to be a daughter in which He is well pleased is what i long to be. more on that later.... (when i'm not supposed to be doing homework at school, and when i have my devo. book :)
2.14.2009
HEARING
Once again, God used this daily devotional to speak to me. There's a common trend lately... HEARING God. Not just listening, but hearing.
The Discipline of Hearing
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preah on the housetops" (Matthew 10:27).
"Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God uts us into the 'shadow of His hand' until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2). 'Whatever I tell you in the dark...' -- pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood--darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.
After every time of darkness, we should experience a mixture of delight and humiliation. If there is only delight, I question whether we have really heard God at all. We should experience delight for having heard God speak, but mostly humiliation for having taken so long to hear Him! Then we will exclaim, 'How slow I have been to listen and understand what God has been telling me!' And yet God has been saying it for days and even weeks. But once you hear Him, He gives you the gift of humiliation, which brings a softness of heart--a gift that will always cause you to listen to God now."
-Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest
The Discipline of Hearing
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preah on the housetops" (Matthew 10:27).
"Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God uts us into the 'shadow of His hand' until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2). 'Whatever I tell you in the dark...' -- pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood--darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.
After every time of darkness, we should experience a mixture of delight and humiliation. If there is only delight, I question whether we have really heard God at all. We should experience delight for having heard God speak, but mostly humiliation for having taken so long to hear Him! Then we will exclaim, 'How slow I have been to listen and understand what God has been telling me!' And yet God has been saying it for days and even weeks. But once you hear Him, He gives you the gift of humiliation, which brings a softness of heart--a gift that will always cause you to listen to God now."
-Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest
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