i think too much...

you know, i've never really been into the whole blogging thing. just because i know i wouldn't take the time for it. but i recently thought, heck! why not? primarily because mary's on here :) and i can't comment unless i have a blog! but also because i feel like i should be journaling more. maybe because i don't talk enough about things. and because i think too much and i need an outlet. OR maybe it's just for my own sake and i need to recall smart moments when i'm feeling rather stupid. but now i'm thinking... hm... sounds rather selfish, don't you think? yes. BUT i've also realized that i'm encouraged and i learn a lot from others. and MAYBE someone will read this and find some sort of encouragement from it. or maybe i'll post a devotional at just the right time for someone... i know that God chimes in at just the right moments in my life (whether or not i think they're the right moments, they are). so maybe God will use me in a likewise way... or likewisely...

so i keep rethinking about a recent note i posted on facebook. i will not post it again for the simple fact that it's posted under my notes. it's entitled "i need this constant reminder." and rightfully so, seeing that i've needed it on a regular basis since i read it (talk about God chiming in!). i find myself [almost constantly] thinking about the future and what i should be doing next week and this summer and even the summer after that! and it bogs me down. but part of me likes it. BUT as much as i like to think it's good to be a planner, when i really think about how much i think... it makes me ill. not really, but i just spend a lot of time doing that. and i think about how much more time i could be spending in prayer or in the Word (such as right now, but well... i'm too busy thinking). and i've realized how often i say, "i'll be praying for you." and i offer up a quick, "Lord, be with this person... [k, back to me]" then maybe a quick prayer here and there as that person comes back to mind. but i SO want to live that life of prayer, you know? to LIVE a LIFE of PRAYER. wow... i thought about that the other day. how awesome it would be to eventually reach the place of a constant prayer life. and to be EXCITED about it! yet i've found myself in a place of... not apathy because i do care, but something similar... maybe just comfort? not necessarily a peaceful comfort, but just a fine comfort. yeah, some things suck. but i know it will all be ok. ...so maybe i'm in a place of peace afterall, and i just don't know it. maybe God's just saying, "listen, i'll take care of you no matter what. but if you want to feel fed and if you want to LIVE a life of LOVE, you have to do your part." hm... free will, i suppose. we serve quite a creative God.